7 DPO…and going nuts.

Sorry that I have not been writing every day.  With Thanksgiving coming, I have been busy googling ways to poison my mother without actually killing the rest of my family.  IM KIDDING…Fortunately she is not even coming to the house, so if she does end up choking on a turkey bone, I have a solid alibi.  Really, though, I have been quite busy, and thank all things holy for that, because what a few days this has been.

I use fertilityfriend.com to chart, because it simply takes all of the data that I enter and then analyzes it and tells me when I ovulated, how good or bad our timing was as far as intercourse goes, etc.  The thing is, as with any form of charting, you cant tell that you ovulate until AFTER you do so you wait, and wait….and wait for one day the “crosshairs” to show up.  Mine did, and said I ovulated LATER than I thought, as you know, and then the next day, it moved again!  So I was pulling my hair out of my head trying to figure it all out.  I caved in, and emailed one of the “experts” on the site, and she set my account to “research” which is a more advanced setting and it went to the original O day, and today I am 7 dpo.

So, why am I going insane you ask?  Lets see, my temp yesterday went UP…from 97.6 to 98.02, and on the chart that is a huge jump.  And this morning it was 98.1 or .08 i dont really remember what it was, but it was higher than it was yesterday!!!!  Plus I have tons of cramps, like the ones where I want to put my fist through the headboard.  Just lots of symptoms. 

Of course, as with any woman ttc, now I am thinking “oh, my head hurts, could I be pregnant?”  “I just got a pimple, could I be pregnant?” “I just banged my toe, I MUST be pregnant!!”  And then it dawns on me.  My temps are clearly in a third thermal shift.  Ok, one more day and its official but still.  I have an abundant amount of creamy CM. (TMI, yes, but your reading about TTC, you had to expect a few bits and pieces of that!!).  My cramping COINCIDES with the temp spike, so perhaps this is my Myrtle settling into HER home?  My boobs do hurt, not alot, but the never really killed me before in past pregnancies. 

When I took my temp this morning at 6, I went and laid down afterwards, and was thinking.  Could it really be happening this month?  Could we have created a new life?  After a loss, and failed attempts, The One has said to me he will not stop.  I threw in the towel in frustration on so many occasions, and he just kept encouraging me, reminding me that our love beats everything.  Could he actually be right? (Imagine if he were a true ass? I’d never hear the end of this one!)

And my 2WW becomes my 2WO, two week OBSESSION.  Deciding when to poas is the hardest part, mainly because I know that if I test too early and get a bfn, I will be crushed.  And, on the other hand if I get a bfp, I might drop dead on the spot from shock.  Today I am going to my OBGYN for some blood test results, and I will be starting prenatal vitamins.  So I think I am going to ask him to take a look at all of my data, and do a vulcan mind read and tell me what his gut says.  Maybe even dive down into my chachi and feel around, and give me his professional opinion.  If anyone would know what my nether-regions should feel like, its him.  He HAS been my OB for 21 years!!!  (yes, that makes him the most consistent man down there lol). 

I will keep you posted, and I promise after Thanksgiving to share all of my thoughts, feelings, symptoms, etc. 

🙂

CD 17? Really?

Usually my “big day” is CD15 and according to www.fertilityfriend.com, I have ovulated as early as CD14.  So this month I had it all figured out.  We would start on Thursday, and dance that dance until Sunday, with the cherry on top on Monday just for good fortune.  Ok, really it was just for fun, to reward ourselves for having ALL that fun the days before. 

Yeah, ok.  If anyone reading this is TTC, then you know that is not at all how it goes.  Lovemaking for fun and lovemaking for procreation is apples and oranges.  Especially when you put a three day fertile window in the mix.  I compare it to fashion.  I can take huge risks when I am going somewhere that I am sure to be the best dressed, but if I am going to something where I may be rivaled, or worse, photographed, I may have to make a phone call or two.  (But NEVER EVER send a pic to fashism. com, anyone can give you advice and you will end up with a big black rectangle over your eyes!!!).  The point is, pressure sucks.  And it makes even the most confident woman (me) crumble and cry in fear.

Fortunately for me, he (who I always call The One, even in my cell, so I will refer to him as that going forward) is incredibly supportive and wise, and would not give up.  And when I say no matter what, I mean NO MATTER WHAT!!!  So Monday morning I woke up and was eager to take my temperature to see if it had gone up again, since it did on Sunday.  Ding dong, alarm goes off, thermometer in, and wham.  96.62.  Lowest temp of the month!!!  How the hell can this be happening?  Saturday it was 96.7 and Sunday it went up to 97.19.  These little increments may sound small but looking at them on a chart is huge.  I forgot to mention, I had been doing an OPK in the afternoon, and had just assumed that I had missed my surge, but for some reason when I woke up Tuesday morning at 6, I did my temp, and I poas, and there was NOTHING on the OPK except for the line that says you did it right.  Then later in the day, WHAM.  Two dark lines.  That, if you dont know, is a + OPK.

Now, you have to know me, which you dont, but I am trying to keep it all together and there is nothing I can do but cry.  In the middle of a nervous breakdown because clearly, based on my BBT, I have not ovulated.  Yep, thats right, all of that lovemaking, with the pressure, and this chick has not even laid the egg.  I call The One, and I am just bawling like you have no idea, and then he just puts it all in perspective as he usually does.  We didn’t MISS it!!!  We still have a shot, because it has not HAPPENED YET!!!  So, after crying a bit more (maybe the mucinex I had been taking increased my tears too?) I shook it off, (on the outside at least) and hung a shelf in my yoga room, and went on with my day.  Of course, The One handed me a card after work and the words in it made me realize while we are trying to create a miracle, we really already have.  The greatest love either of us have ever known.  And as long as I have that, I’ll be ok.  NOT that we are not going to keep trying for Myrtle, I am just saying!!

So, waking up on CD18, my temp is higher still, so I am on an upward trend, I think I may have ovulated yesterday or overnight.  I just hope that I have enough of a luteal phase so that our Myrtle can nestle herself (I say SHE, he calls it HE, go figure) nicely into mommy.  But time will tell.  Here is to gearing up for the 2WW!!!

In The Beginning…

The hardest part about writing this blog was not what to write, but when to start.  Since as many may know, TTC (trying to conceive) can take a very long time, and I am not sure how long my wit can hold out.  After two months of waking up every morning at six o’clock to stick a thermometer up my chachi, this is the perfect time.  I have handled two months of “AF” coming when for the first time I did NOT want her to, two months of “BDing” around when a little stick says I should, and now I am ready to share this with all of you.

Maybe I misnamed this blog.  “TTC and The Insanity It Creates”….that would imply that I am not insane now.  Clearly I am, because at 39, I have decided that I want to take my very quiet life, my life that affords me every opportunity to do what I want to do, when I want to do it and turn that into the chaotic life you get with a baby.  Actually, we did not really “decide”.  It was not like we woke up one day and said ok, we are going to have a baby!!  Lets do this!!  The painful truth is that in July I had gotten pregnant.  I had so many mixed emotions, I have children, and my age alone was huge.  There is alot going on in my life, sister getting married, etc and I had this huge weight on my shoulders.  Add to it that he did not want any more children either.

And then, one day he sat on the side of the bed and told me, in no uncertain terms, that it’s time for me to do what I want.  Forget everyone else, even him.  And no matter what I do as long as I am happy, he would be “in”.  I cried for days and then I realized that abortion was never an option for me.  In my life, I have had a lot of things get thrown at me and I am still standing, so this would be cake.  I was going to have a baby.  WE were going to have a baby!!!  And for now, the baby is named Laverne.  When I made my doctor appointment, I could not believe I was doing this again, and looking around at all of the pregnant women, my head began to spin.  There were girls there that really could be the age of my daughter, and I realized I was now high risk just because of my age.  My Dr. saw me, and we talked for a bit, since he has been my OBGYN for over 21 years, he knows me better than any other man!  It was not long after that I learned that I was indeed pregnant, and not long after that it was revealed that my hcg was not doubling at the proper rate.  Make a long story short, the pregnancy ended in August.

But now, I was ready.  I wanted a baby.  My whole entire outlook on this pregnancy thing had changed and I did not have the feeling of “Oh well, I guess this was not meant to be”.  And I guess he knew it too, because he said “We will try again”.  Sure, I cried for a few days, and wondered if this was all my fault, because I had bad thoughts or doubts in the beginning.  Maybe we are too old, he is 49.  There was no reason given, but the one thing I was told was that there was NO REASON WE COULD NOT TRY AGAIN!!!  And that was all that I needed to hear.

I had no idea what my cycle was, and I began taking my temperatures and charting them on Fertility Friend, and using an OPK.  Actually, I think I did the OPK first.  Either way, I took control of this baby making business and off we went!  There are a few things that you will certainly need to know in order to keep up with my blog.  First, the pregnancy we lost was Laverne.  We were going to find a name for each attempt, and the one after that was Myrtle.  Thing is, Myrtle stuck, so you will hear me refer to Myrtle…that is our baby-to-be.  We love Myrtle.  I write, and aside from shopping, I can be home all day, or anywhere I need to be, which is great for my fertile days, when I need to be where he is.  He owns a business, a food establishment and he does everything pretty much, opens, cooks, cleans, and maybe even strips and sings, (ok, that is not true, but if he did, he would be rolling in it, he is that sexy!!) so his time is far more restricted than mine. 

The most important thing, and I know you think that I am just going to be like every other woman on earth in love, but I assure you I am not (actually, I am usually a really cold bitch)….anyway, the most important thing, our love is incredible.  It is beyond strong, it is like nothing we have ever seen, and people tell me all the time that its just CRAZY!!  And our sex life is just as perfect.  So, now with all of that being said, off we go!!  I hope you enjoy this, and I sure as hell hope this ends up in 9 months or so me being unable to entertain you any longer!!