The hardest part about writing this blog was not what to write, but when to start. Since as many may know, TTC (trying to conceive) can take a very long time, and I am not sure how long my wit can hold out. After two months of waking up every morning at six o’clock to stick a thermometer up my chachi, this is the perfect time. I have handled two months of “AF” coming when for the first time I did NOT want her to, two months of “BDing” around when a little stick says I should, and now I am ready to share this with all of you.
Maybe I misnamed this blog. “TTC and The Insanity It Creates”….that would imply that I am not insane now. Clearly I am, because at 39, I have decided that I want to take my very quiet life, my life that affords me every opportunity to do what I want to do, when I want to do it and turn that into the chaotic life you get with a baby. Actually, we did not really “decide”. It was not like we woke up one day and said ok, we are going to have a baby!! Lets do this!! The painful truth is that in July I had gotten pregnant. I had so many mixed emotions, I have children, and my age alone was huge. There is alot going on in my life, sister getting married, etc and I had this huge weight on my shoulders. Add to it that he did not want any more children either.
And then, one day he sat on the side of the bed and told me, in no uncertain terms, that it’s time for me to do what I want. Forget everyone else, even him. And no matter what I do as long as I am happy, he would be “in”. I cried for days and then I realized that abortion was never an option for me. In my life, I have had a lot of things get thrown at me and I am still standing, so this would be cake. I was going to have a baby. WE were going to have a baby!!! And for now, the baby is named Laverne. When I made my doctor appointment, I could not believe I was doing this again, and looking around at all of the pregnant women, my head began to spin. There were girls there that really could be the age of my daughter, and I realized I was now high risk just because of my age. My Dr. saw me, and we talked for a bit, since he has been my OBGYN for over 21 years, he knows me better than any other man! It was not long after that I learned that I was indeed pregnant, and not long after that it was revealed that my hcg was not doubling at the proper rate. Make a long story short, the pregnancy ended in August.
But now, I was ready. I wanted a baby. My whole entire outlook on this pregnancy thing had changed and I did not have the feeling of “Oh well, I guess this was not meant to be”. And I guess he knew it too, because he said “We will try again”. Sure, I cried for a few days, and wondered if this was all my fault, because I had bad thoughts or doubts in the beginning. Maybe we are too old, he is 49. There was no reason given, but the one thing I was told was that there was NO REASON WE COULD NOT TRY AGAIN!!! And that was all that I needed to hear.
I had no idea what my cycle was, and I began taking my temperatures and charting them on Fertility Friend, and using an OPK. Actually, I think I did the OPK first. Either way, I took control of this baby making business and off we went! There are a few things that you will certainly need to know in order to keep up with my blog. First, the pregnancy we lost was Laverne. We were going to find a name for each attempt, and the one after that was Myrtle. Thing is, Myrtle stuck, so you will hear me refer to Myrtle…that is our baby-to-be. We love Myrtle. I write, and aside from shopping, I can be home all day, or anywhere I need to be, which is great for my fertile days, when I need to be where he is. He owns a business, a food establishment and he does everything pretty much, opens, cooks, cleans, and maybe even strips and sings, (ok, that is not true, but if he did, he would be rolling in it, he is that sexy!!) so his time is far more restricted than mine.
The most important thing, and I know you think that I am just going to be like every other woman on earth in love, but I assure you I am not (actually, I am usually a really cold bitch)….anyway, the most important thing, our love is incredible. It is beyond strong, it is like nothing we have ever seen, and people tell me all the time that its just CRAZY!! And our sex life is just as perfect. So, now with all of that being said, off we go!! I hope you enjoy this, and I sure as hell hope this ends up in 9 months or so me being unable to entertain you any longer!!