Exhale

As a writer I always need a beginning, middle, and end before I even start something.  Today has been one heck of a day for us.  I had found a lump in my left breast.  Two actually, and went for a sonogram.  I had been due for my bilateral sono, since I had breast cancer twice before, I go every six months now for mammo/sono alternately.  The left breast showed a fluid filled cyst that they will aspirate if I want, I have had this same thing aspirated twice and both times the fluid was clear, and fine.  I was thrilled that’s all it was.  Until, of course the radiologist explained that she was more concerned about a mass in my right breast.  She took the transducer thing and began to examine the right breast.  In seconds, I saw on the screen a HUGE thing.  I say thing because I did not know what it was!  If the left breast cyst was a grape, this was a large orange, relatively speaking.

I was beyond optimistic, and said oh so we can drain this one too?  She looked at me, and I could see that I was way off.  As it turns out, there is something in the cyst that is not fluid..its not “clean”.  Of course, I fell apart.  This was the very last thing that I could have ever expected.  Very long story short, the biopsy is on Thursday.

As this is all going on, all I can think about is G.  Is this the end?  There is no way at all that I am ready for this to be it.  I have not even TALKED to The One about this, but I know where his head is, so we are not going to agree.  What really stinks is that I am pretty sure we are going to get our crosshairs any day, so now this is just one more thing to think about.  There is a strong chance that I wont be writing on here for a few days, I just really dont want to think about this now.  Maybe I will, idk….

I wish you all lots and lots of baby dust….xoxo

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