December 4th

I should really hate this day.  Last year on this day we had a miscarriage.  The second one, but this one was a little later, and was a bit more traumatic.  Had to go to the hospital, have a sonogram, the whole thing was just too much, and frankly, I wrote about it here and do not want to go over it.  Like I said, I really should stay in bed all day.  But I am not.  I have learned a few things on this TTC journey.  The biggest lesson (and also the hardest!) is that you can not control anything.  No matter  what you try to do, fate is going to take over.  It reminds me of that saying “We make plans, God laughs”.  All you can do is stay positive and keep loving each other.

Ironically, today is also the tail end of ovulating.  So if we do get pregnant this month, it will resolve in my heart all that I feel for December 4th.  You see, yesterday my OPK was positive, today it is negative.  The temp drop on the chart is probably the estrogen surge before O, and although the temp did not rise too much today, its still up, and after tinkering with the chart, Monday comes up as the date of O, and our “intercourse analyzer” gives us a high score. I fully am aware that it’s just a computer program offering statistical answers to my fertility chart, but I am hoping that with this Clomid/Met cocktail and everything else working out this could be it.

Im slightly excited about being 1DPO…3DPO etc.  It has been a while!!

Well, I have much to do today but to the woman who was researching disappearing crosshairs on FF, relax.  Chances are it is one temp that threw it off and after the temps regulate you will see them again.  The thing is, should they disappear, keep making love because if it IS a change of O date, you do not want to miss it!!!  Good luck and baby dust to you!!

Oh, and if you go to yesterday’s entry my chart link is there….I am not going to re-link today!!  Ciao…



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