In Italian, or at least my home, when we were done we would say “FINUTE!!!” Like, “That’s enough!” or “I have had enough!”. So, yesterday was “UP TO HERE” and today, well, its “FINUTE!!!!” In case you have not guessed it, my temp went down a little more today. While we are still above the coverline temp of 97.44, (at 97.73) I am well aware of what is coming. My cramps this morning were so painful that I wanted to scream. So, what is a girl to do, when after six months at LEAST of TTC all I have are a bunch of charts ending in AF, m/c’s and worst of all, no baby?
What I always do. Cry. Maybe break some sh**. No, definitely break something. Then, I will get up, wipe away the tears from my eyes and do it all over again. Thing is, it is so easy for me to get defeated mentally when I truly feel like we have done our very best. Who would not feel this way? We try month after month through some major life challenges, always putting Giuliana first. So to feel like it didn’t happen again is overwhelming. I sat and thought about this month, and what could have gone wrong. What made us not get pregnant? I thought maybe the stress of worrying about my breast health? Maybe the stress from my family? Who knows.
What I do know for sure, is that I am the worst loser on the planet. I can not even begin to tell you how much more driven I get when something is placed in front of me in the form of an obstacle. So, mother nature, bring it. You are going to have your little victory, I will cry when you come, that is just who I am. But the truth is, what you have is NOTHING compared to what we have, and we are so totally going to kick your ass.
When I say “FINUTE!!!” today, what I am saying is enough of the self-pity. Enough of the doubt in our ability to do this. Just enough!