Back to the beginning

I dont know how The One will react to this being put on a public blog.  It is a letter that I wrote to him titled “This Thing We Have”.  I guess I am in a nostalgic mood, and I have been on a quest for privacy, but the truth is, this is really worth sharing.  We are just so incredible.


This Thing We Have……


We know its love.  Real, true, deep, pure.  And both of us, being from semi-similar cloths, find it very hard to believe we are here.  Both of us have issues that go back to our parents, and have had multitudes of relationships gone wrong, and even when we thought they were right, they were still wrong.   We have made mistakes, and made great things happen, and in both lives, at some moment we just happen to have crossed paths.  For whatever reason the magic happened, the fusion, and whenever I think about it, I am brought to a Victor Hugo quote.  He had written to Adele Foucher, whom he loved since childhood, and married, and together they had numerous children (although, being french, he could not manage to control his pesce, and bedded numerous actresses and models, but he loved Adele so much that it made him sick).  The quote is: ” When two souls, which have sought each other for however long in the throng, have finally found each other, when hey have seen that they are matched, are in sympathy, and compatible, in a word;, that they are alike, there is then established for ever between them a union, fiery and pure as they themselves are, a union which begins on earth and continues for ever in heaven.  This union is love, true love, such as in truth very few men can conceive of, that love which is a religion, which deifies the loved one, whose life comes from devotion and passion, and for which the greatest sacrifices are the sweetest delights.”  The first time I read this I was in high school and I thought it was pretty cool, and I always dug Hugo for his super chic way. I had a hard time with his sleezy ways, but I was in 10th grade.  When I was in Paris, I got into a lot of French Literature and culture, and really began to understand Hugo and his contemporaries, and his extreme passion.  When I came across this letter again, I realized that Hugo was, yes, a womanzier, but he had this need for love, not sex.  The sex was a temporary fix, the love was his remedy.  I felt this feeling in my heart that while I love sex, and I can have sex anywhere, with anyone, at anytime, love was something far more different.  And I never want to get the two confused because real love, the love that matters between a man and a woman is something that really should not happen often.  Once, twice maybe in a lifetime.  If it happens more than that, then you need to rethink it all.  I also thought that in love there is passion.  And I dont mean throwing someone against the wall, that again, is  part of the sex. Lust.  Passion is when you feel so strongly, your being changes.  You get sick, you can move a mountain, and under an umbrella of love you can put every single emotion, yet in the end, it really is just love. 

My point?  I have wandered around the world.  Walked, ran, sashayed even.  I am the girl that was put here for love.  Florence Nightingale healed, Susan B. Anthony rallied for women, Harriet Tubman freed slaves.  Me, my purpose was to find, feel and experience love.  I have wanted it my whole entire life, in its purest most beautiful form.  And I am sure, beyond anything else in my life that I have found it in you.  The love I have with you, in you, for you, from you begins in my heart, travels through every vessel in my body, feeds and nourishes every cell that is my being, and sustains me.  There has never been a love like this for me, and sometimes I get scared beyond what I can handle, sometimes I get sad.  Sometimes, there is frustration, and tons of other emotions, but its all that passion I was talking about, and its all under the umbrella of love.  So, today, while the sun is shining, and its completely beautiful outside, I may have felt a little rain before, but all I ever have to do, is open that umbrella.  Feel your love, know that no matter where you are, no matter where I am, WE are, WE will always be, and I get ok.  I get better than ok actually.  I know its just words, but please know, as serious as I can be, I love you, only you, forever, its only been you.  Its always you.


I just can’t help but smile right now.  I remember writing this, and what is even better is that the emotion is still the same.  Best part though, this is us EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Sorry to throw this in a ttc blog, but I just am so in love with him, I had to share!!!!


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