I do believe this is a record. Yes, ten days ago I wrote here, and explained my wonderful sense of calm. Well, here I am today, still quite peaceful. Still fully content in everything being just as it is, and knowing that at some point, we will have exactly what we want. But it is not my call on when.
In the meantime, The One has full access to our chart on fertilityfriend.com and he knows what days are what, so I have resigned myself to let it go and really enjoy the days with him. Of course, like I said earlier in this blog, old habits die hard. I have had two dreams where I have seen him holding our baby. In the first, she would not stop crying and he took her and she just cuddled up to her daddy and went right out. The second, I walked into the room and he had her and was sitting in a chair and I just watched him love her. It is moments like that where I want to grab the laptop, analyze the crap out of everything and just have this freaking happen already.
When I find myself in this place, I have to think, search and find a sign. Why am I dreaming of this? Sure, I want it, we both do. The thing that I got from both of the dreams was his natural way with his daughter. An ease, the way it just “happens”. Funny thing, that is how we describe our relationship. It flows. I guess what my subconscious is trying to tell me is keep relaxing. It will “just happen”. Everything about us, The One and I, is completely based on love. 100%. We really don’t have to think about it, work at it (of course we work at it, but not in that UGH sort of way!) and it is the greatest thing either of us has ever experienced. So it would only stand to reason that the conception of our little one would be of the same form, the same natural ease as we, he and I, became US.
And here I am, on CD 12, not at all freaking out. I know I did take my temperature, and honestly it was only so that I can figure out when I ovulate so that I can take progesterone supplements. There is a good chance I may not temp after I confirm ovulation. THAT is not going to determine if we get pregnant. We have what it takes for that. Oh boy do we ever. 🙂