CD 2

Yep.  Two days in a row!  No, I have not had anything at all happen that is so vital in my cycle, or on my chart that I need to tell you all about it.  Fortunately for me, this blog is more of my own private outlet than media entertainment, so I can write whenever and whatever I choose.  Fortunately for you, old habits die hard, so I will give you a little smidge of my TTC.  I went to my doctor yesterday, and long story short, he thinks that with a little help from some progesterone, we should be ok.  Additionally, I started reading NaProTechnology.  I am far too much the novice to try to explain it accurately, but it is Dr. Hilgers and this Creighton method of knowing your body, reading it and its a very natural approach to TTC without all  of the crazy science.  So far, I am very much in agreement with it, and not at all because of it’s strong religious roots.  Oh, and I did start taking Evening  Primrose Oil, which I was hoping would help with the pains NOW,  but I read that it could take a  few months.  No biggie.

Ok, so the meat and potatoes of my writing du jour.  I have the most awesome sense of calm.  The One says its peace, and I may agree with him, but I am not at all familiar with that word, so I will use calm.  Maybe I had to completely lose it to find it?  Which makes sense, because if something is right in front of you, its not “findable” you just need to know how to get it.  That is not the same thing.  This feeling, this NEW feeling that things are OK, is pretty damn good!  I don’t mean I am not going to have a stroke because of something not working out, that is my  personality.  Frankly, I think most of the people  that are my friends are such BECAUSE of my quirky AHHHHH behaviors.

What I am talking about here is so much more.  This feeling is inside  of me.  Since you can only relate  to me in the TTC area, I will  use that as the example.  Normally, I would have been hysterical for days.  Analyzing, planning, and trying to figure out what went wrong.  What did I do wrong this time?  And moreso, what am I NOT going to do wrong next month?  What is my calendar looking like?  Yes, you guessed it…WHEN AM I GOING TO OVULATE?  Sure, I have thought about it, but in one collective thought, sort of an “in passing” thought.  For MONTHS I have tried to control this process.  All that has gotten me was mad at myself, because either we don’t get pregnant or we miscarry.  That leaves me double beaten, double hurt and double disappointed.  I am way too good of a person, who has had enough people beat, hurt, and disappoint me that I do not need to do it to myself. I just do not feel that now.  My heart is ok with this, and my head is too.

On that note, I just got a text message from my best girlfriend, who has been away on a cruise, that she is home, just waiting to be called  off the ship.  So when life doesn’t get any better, I have CALM…my greatest love,  and my greatest friends.  🙂

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