I really have been so awful at keeping this blog. Not because of lack of trying to conceive, but with all of the other writing that I need to do, finding the thoughts to write this seem almost impossible. Realizing that I am way behind, last night I decided that no matter what, I was going to write. It is now February, and I am on CD 8 I think (I don’t remember what our chart said this morning). For some reason, I really think that this might be the lucky month. Perhaps that it is because I am supposed to O right around Valentine’s Day, or maybe it is because I am just so damn tired of NOT getting the BFP….whatever it is, I am feeling better about this month.
Which is more than I can say about a lot of other things.
Anyway, part of my inspiration for today came last night in the form of a text from The One. I was home, watching the Super Bowl. He was working, and for whatever reason I said “GO MYRTLE GO!!” That was his cheer for our efforts to keep the temps up and for the little bean to find its way to where it needed to go, so that we would get pregnant. Quickly, he shot back a text saying No More Myrtle. GIULIANA! I sort of looked at my phone, and shot back a witty remark. But I could not help but think about his text. We want this. We are past wanting, we are so damn ready. My frustration has maxed out, and I am tired of feeling left behind month after month with a hope of a little one. The feeling that I get, it’s sadness, anger, obviously frustration, defeat. I look at our chart, and I see where we may have fallen short, as far as the timing of the lovemaking. Then I get even MORE aggravated. Shortly afterwards, I realize that it’s the new cycle, a new chance for us to time it all right, to get it correct. And I hope. I pray. We cross the fingers and toes.
Eventually, I have gotten to the point where I say to myself, this is insane. Because technically the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over, expecting a different outcome. I know there is a process, and according to the doctor, it could take us six months to a year to conceive. What I need to do is just find some way to occupy my mind, my time and the days in between my fertile window, the 2ww and my test dates.
Time passes today, and I somehow manage to write a few other things. The One asks me where I wrote, and I told him, also stating that I really want to get this done, my Myrtle blog. In all caps I get a text: ITS GIULIANA BLOG NOW MY LOVE. Do you see why I love this man?? My issue is, when I started this blog it was “Making Myrtle” and it had such a ring to it. So I did offer him the opportunity to give me something to work with for our new “Giuliana” blog. “My little angel in the making…Giuliana” he sends.
So, today, it is official. The One and I are no longer “Making Myrtle”. We are working on “Our little angel in the making…Giuliana”. My opk’s came today in the mail which is sort of our kick off maybe? Feeling quite ready and very good about this, let the baby making begin!!!