Why I go insane

Merry Christmas to all.  It is so quiet in the house right now, which seems to be a rare event these days.  I could not be more thrilled, frankly, and I instantly find myself drawn to this blog, attempting to write.  Today for me on our chart I am 7 dpo.  I say our chart, I mean The One and mine.  After all, it is us trying to make our baby, so I really can’t call it my chart, right?  So, back to our chart.  Let me update you a little bit.

I was going crazy trying to figure out when I would O, and as fertilityfriend.com shows it, I have O’d on CD15, which was this past Sunday.  On 5 dpo, I had this huge drop below my coverline.  For those of you reading this that are new to this, that could be good, or bad.  In my head, having just had a miscarriage, I am thinking that I am out for this cycle, and surely AF is right around the corner, because any time my temp goes below my cover line, that day or the next, the wicked witch shows her ugly face.  The only thing that made me ok with it was thinking that rather than wait two weeks for my period, then two weeks to ovulate for a normal cycle, we can get there faster.  The other side of me, the side of me that only recently has manifested itself said “slow down, cowgirl, and just wait and see what happens”.  And so Saturday morning I woke up, and looked at my thermometer before I took my temperature and told it “you are either getting broken, or you are going to be higher than yesterday!!”.  I guess my thermometer fears me, because it was right back up to my post-o zone, and I could not be happier!

But of course, psycho me has to now see, is it possible to implant this early?   I began to read on the internet, and there were tons of crazy things out there.  Sadly, I guess women want so badly to have babies or think they are pregnant, they will believe anything, just to rationalize it in their heads or play it out that way.  I, however, and quite factual, and prefer the hard truth, rather than a cushy hope.  So I dug into the medical stuff.  I’ll be honest, I had to cross reference some of the medical stuff, I surely am not a doctor, but this is my body, and my curiosity, so it was time well spent.  What I came up with, the short version, is that the fertilized egg has to hatch before it implants. (How awesome is that?  We actually hatch eggs!!)  And the very earliest that can happen is 5 dpo, with 6-12 being the normal range.  Ok, so I could have implanted, especially if my O date was off. (Oh, forgot to mention, I had a low temp on day 14, a little higher on 15 but FF gave me O on 15).

So now I have this great “V” on my chart, and I feel like I am all dressed up with no where to go.  I wish that I could fast forward every single day to the time I temp and see what will happen.  But I can’t, so I have to take one day at a time.  7 dpo, Christmas morning.  Last month, this is the day that I went triphasic.  Obviously, its hindsight, since you can’t forsee that.  But it was my CD24, 7 dpo.  So, naturally I was a little bit nervous to temp.  If it were the same as yesterday I may lose a light amount of hope, thinking that my dip was just an estrogen surge.  Or worse, it could go back down and yesterdays rise was a fluke.  My thermometer beeped, and I reached for my phone, and when I read the temp, I literally blinked a few times, and the phone went off, and I had to hit the light again, and there it was.  98.48.  My temp was skyrocketed.  This is the range I was in when I was pregnant last month.  I have never on any non-pregnant chart had a temp this high.

Let me say this, I am excited, I’m not going to lie.  BUT…I am not a stupid woman, and I am keeping my feet on the ground, especially after last month.  I realize that I could be pregnant and I could not be pregnant.  It’s a very simple, cut and dry situation, and I am ready for either outcome.

However;  There is nothing that could cap off this year like a BFP.  I will have my fingers and toes, and eyes and legs crossed.

Merry Christmas everyone!

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